


The Weight of Mortality

by GoldSparrow



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: BAMF Merlin (Merlin), Canon Divergence, Choice, Fate & Destiny, Gen, I'm just writing this as it goes, Identity, Loss of Identity, Protective Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Knights (Merlin), Sad Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Whump, basically god Merlin, emrys - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldSparrow/pseuds/GoldSparrow
Summary: Stripped of his humanity, Emrys must decide for himself his own destiny.
Relationships: Knights of the Round Table/Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin’s head lulls weightlessly to the side, a sharp pain in behind his neck awakening him.

He gasps, and lifts his head, the back hitting what felt like a scraggly wall. He grimaces. 

In his haze he can somehow register that he is sitting against a rock wall in a cave maybe, and his once tunic has been split down the front. A cool breeze blows, and he shivers.

Suddenly he feels a cold wet cakey substance making contact with his bare skin. He gasps in pain as cold thin fingers pressed the fetid poultice deep into a large gash striping from his collarbone to his stomach. His magic writhes within him in answer to his pain, coiling in vexation but too weak to fight against the stinging fingers. His eyes tightly shut, he grimaces until the hands momentarily pull away, and breathes heavily.

His eyelids flicker, but he’s unable to open them. They feel crusted with salt and possibly blood. His magic instinctively flashes behind his eyelids, trying to release his eyes.

"That won’t work."

Despite the voice’s protestation, Merlin pushed through his exhaustion and tried again, but this time he felt it. Magic. Whoever was helping him did not want their identity seen.

Merlin’s breath picked up but then the hands dabbed more of the cold puss deep into his wound, causing his breathing to sputter. 

"Why can't I open my eyes?"

"Because you don’t need to."

Silence ensues. Unable to do much else, Merlin reaches his senses outward. He lets his magic slowly spread out from his body, searching until it found and curled it’s tendrils around the person kneeling in front of him, prodding, investigating. A shiver ran up Merlin’s spine. The person in front of him held great power. The silent touch of his magic was soon slapped away by the other’s.

Merlin’s heart beats wildly in his chest. He mumbles, "...Who are you?"

"No one of consequence." They reply flatly.

"…Are you a friend?"

The figure in front of him pauses.

"No, an observer."

Merlin chokes out a weak chuckle. "An observer who meddles in saving the life of another?"

The fingers twitch. Despite his blindness, Merlin can feel the person scowl. He can't help but smirk weakly, but he soon sobers.

"…Why are you helping me?" He just about whispers.

"Because Emrys is needed. It wouldn’t do that he die prematurely because of the stupid recklessness of some boy."

Merlin chuckles. "And here I thought I was immortal..." Merlin sardonically grimaces as his gash stings.

"Emrys _is_ immortal—" The voice snaps sternly, but then softens thoughtfully. "Though…not perfectly…not _yet_."

A cold shiver runs down Merlin’s spine, his blood turning to ice. 

"W-What are you talking about?"

"Stupid boy. Where do you think all the magic from those slaughtered went after the Great Purge? Emrys is Magic itself reborn in an earthen vessel."

Merlin’s heart beats like a hammer in his chest, denial building. _They can’t possibly mean—I’m…what am I?—_

"Both _Magic_ —and _human_." The voice stated, almost as if hearing Merlin’s thoughts, scowling at the latter. "A never before seen anomaly…" 

The creature then mumbles under their breath, "But that his human desires sway him to selfishly protect the Once and Future King above all else is disturbing…"

The hands dab the poultice across his stomach with a tad less care and Merlin grimaces.

"It is my destiny to protect Arthur," he says determinedly, straightening ever slightly.

"Foolish boy, it is Emrys’ destiny to do so much more! Emrys is the son of the sky, the sea, the earth and the air. One task may be to protect the Future King, but Emrys is first and foremost a creature and Servant of Magic; he is the One meant to revive Magic and preside over her children." In front of him, he could feel a cold stare from the creature boring in on him. Merlin’s magic begins to squirm with unease in his chest. 

"I will do that with Arthur."

The voice chuckles and cocks their head curiously. "You deny your true self. You fear the consequences of your true nature being revealed to your king…Emrys cannot meet his full potential if he allows such mortal emotions get in the way of his true callings…" It pauses. "Though..." The creature hums thoughtfully. " _I_ can help you…" The creature’s cold hand slides up to cup the side of his face, their thumb resting on his temple.

Merlin’s breathing hitches. His body still paralyzed with weakness and exhaustion, his magic writhes in warning, though with all its efforts to keep him alive, was now reduced to the strength of a flickering candle flame. 

With as much authority as he can muster, Merlin says, "I’m fine, I don’t need any help—Arthur and I will accomplish Albion on our own."

The creature shook their head pityingly. "…Oh Emrys. In time Your king will disappoint you. You cannot put all your faith in him. He is but a human. Humans are fallible, weak, misguided. They are governed by their own selfishness. You Emrys, could easily relinquish these imperfections. Why do you hide behind them? Without them, you will be free!"

"No—you’re wrong!"

_"An dia a scaradh óna fheoil chré…"_

"No—please, whatever you are doing, stop!" Merlin struggles as his magic writhes inside his chest, feeling as if it were being forcibly torn outside his body. 

A scream tears from his throat as a pressure in his chest continues to build. _"Please!"_

_"…a anam neamhbhásmhar faoi cheangal níos mó!"_

A flash of light and the feeling of his soul being ripped from his chest, Merlin fell into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hag's spell: 'Separate the god from his earthen flesh, his immortal soul bound no more'
> 
> Heheh let me know what you think will happen next!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur desperately searches for his manservant.
> 
> Also, mild gore warnings.

"Merlin!" 

Arthur’s heart continued to race as he and his knights scoured the deep brush of the forest. 

_It hadn’t been the day before that their camp had been overrun by mercenaries. By some stroke of luck, Merlin had spotted the men moments before their attack, alerting Arthur and giving him and his soldiers precious seconds to prepare for the surprise onslaught. The battle had been heated and long, and bloody; the mercenaries easily outnumbering Camelot’s sworn protectors two to one. Arthur swung his sword and caught a man in the stomach, then blocked a swing from another to his right. While the men were fairly skilled they were not quite as skilled as his knights. He sidestepped the soldier and slashed at his open back. As the man fell, pain radiated like fire in his shoulder._

_One knee crumpling to the ground, Arthur looks up to see a large mercenary with a mace, red with his blood. Blinking the water from his eyes, he registers the man before him lift his mace once more. Without missing a beat, Arthur thrust his sword through the man’s belly. The mercenary gurgled blood, and staggered. Arthur's eyes widen. The man smiles, and Arthur's world momentarily goes black as a large meaty fist clocks him in the head, before falling slack and plummeting to the forest floor._

_Arthur's head rang like the morning bell. After a moment, Arthur vaguely registered he was on his hands and knees._

_Dizzily looking around him, Arthur saw a screaming man coming straight for him, sword raised high. In his haze he reached for Excalibur but couldn’t find it._

_"Arthur!" He heard from somewhere behind him._

_The king turns just in time, then presses himself to the forest floor, narrowly avoiding a volley of crossbow bolts flying over his head at the man. Several hit home, but the man kept running. The man swung his sword, but not before a dagger flew and hit him square in the heart, and he falls._

_Arthur heaves in a few breaths as his vision adjusted, looking where the dagger had come from. In the treeline behind him, he sees Merlin, hand outstretched behind a trunk bordering the edge of the hill their battle rested on. The young man breathed a sigh of relief. Arthur smirked back at him, when suddenly his world froze. A silhouette was creeping up behind Merlin, whose gaze was still rested on his king._

_The man punched the young man, sending him tumbling to the side barely regaining his balance, not before the mercenary draws his sword and slashes Merlin’s front. The young man stumbles back, pain and confusion lacing his features as blood colored his open tunic. His glazed eyes momentarily flit to Arthur’s horrified gaze, just as the mercenary kicks the man in the stomach, sending him toppling over the hill crest and into the darkness of the forest below._

_"Merlin!" Arthur screams._

"Merlin!" A few knights called one after another from not too far away, breaking Arthur from his nightmarish reverie. 

"Sire!" Arthur turned to see Leon not too far behind him, eyes and hand pointing forward to a small cave barely visible in the cliffside not too far ahead.

Without a second thought, Arthur runs through the brush, ducking into the thin opening of the cave. "Merlin?"

Arthur’s stomach churned as he was met with a loud echo of his own voice bouncing across the cave walls. He continues on.

As he went in deeper, a ray from an opening in the rocks overhead dimly cast on a pale figure sitting against the craggy wall, head drooped.

Arthur’s heart jumped and he ran to the limp form. "Merlin!"

The boy’s head was down, and his shirt had been ripped straight down the middle to reveal an angry gash that remarkably was no longer oozing blood. Arthur’s hands flick to the young man’s neck, feeling for a pulse.

Arthur almost falls back in relief to feel a steady thrumming underneath his fingertips, and laughs, the sound echoing loudly in the silent cavern.

The young man grimaces.

"Merlin?"

The young man’s eyelids flutter and then open, his gaze meeting Arthur’s. However his blue eyes felt hollow. Beyond the hint of recognition, his eyes held no sentiment, before slowly fluttering closed once more.

"Leon! Percival! Help me carry him out of the cave. We must get him home to Camelot at once!"

The company of knights fly as fast they can to Camelot, their horses worked just about to the brink. It is by early the next morning, the knights soon break though the gates of the city. Arthur’s horse pulls up swiftly into the courtyard, his knights not following far behind. He gets off his horse, and as the knights finish riding up, motions for help to safely lower Merlin from the saddle where he had been holding him. Percival and Gwaine, who jumps into action before Arthur could dismount, carefully help the unconscious young man off, while Leon tells a guard to inform Gauis of their coming. 

Percival then picks up the young man and carries him to the physician’s tower with Arthur and the rest of the round table knights striding right behind.

Elyan opens the physician’s door. 

Gaius turns, his eyes centered on his ward.

"Oh my boy…" Gaius frowns. "Here, lie him on his bed."

Percival walks into the back room, and gently sets him on his bed.

"Thank you Percival." Gaius says dismissively, as he immediately assesses his ward.

Percival nods sadly, and dutifully leaves Merlin’s small room. The knights, surrounded by Merlin’s bedside look at one another in worry, but soon follow suit.

Standing in the room’s doorway, Arthur watches as Percival gestures for the knights to leave. They each give one last look at Merlin’s door, but nod and begin to leave. Gwaine stands for a few moments longer, then finally steps out of the physician’s room.

All alone, Arthur watches silently as Gaius cleans Merlin’s wound, and inspects the gash. Finding the gash not wide enough to need sewing, Gaius opens up a jar of greenish paste.

While applying the poultice, Gaius turns to Arthur. "What happened?"

"He—he saved me." Arthur swallows. "He was worried about me and didn’t see a man coming up from behind. The man k—Merlin fell off the hillside. We searched for just under a full day, and found him in a cave not too far below."

Gaius inspects his ward.

"He’s in very good condition despite what you described…"

Arthur looks thoughtful, eyeing the thin open gash across his manservant’s chest. "I think someone _helped_ him."

Gaius’ head turns, inspecting the look in Arthur’s eyes.

"…It does look like he was aided sire, but, I don’t think by magic." Gaius lies, with a practiced calm. "It seems we are very lucky that the cut was fairly shallow, most of the danger to him would have been blood loss. I suspect whoever aided Merlin at least knew well enough to stop the bleeding. The open wound has also been washed and I see residue of a crude, yet very potent medicine having been applied, but I do not see anything about the wound that hints at magic."

Arthur nods, looking down in thought.

"…Then I am in their debt. I am thankful that their quick actions and generosity saved him. I only wish they had stayed behind so that I may reward them…"

"Whoever and wherever they are, I’m sure just knowing they saved a life is in itself its own reward."

A melancholic smile alights Arthur’s lips. "Please let me know when he wakes." Arthur gives a sobering nod before leaving the physicians quarters. 

As the door closes, Gaius lets out a held breath. 

"You were very lucky indeed, my boy." He says, his hands softly combing through Merlin’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What you think happened to Merlin? :)))) Tell me what you think!


End file.
